A haunting past.

Whattaya know my past came back to haunt me tonight, and I don't have anyone or anything to blame but myself. I guess I started it? I didn't do it on purpose. It just goes to show that this girl from my past STILL manages, for a lack of a better word "stalks" me. We're going on a year where I cut her outta my life completly, trust me it was definetly for the best. She's not that great of a friend, at all.

She's my EX boyfriends EX girlfriend right before me. She made my life hell, but yet I still befriended her, against every single voice of reason that told me not to. And not only did I befriend her, but we were friends a couple different times, even after we'd basically fight to the death. I can't even try to tell you everything she put me through.

I have a Twitter account and I drunkenly "tweeted" Friday night "im wearing a shirt that a pathletic excuse for a human being bought me cuz she tried to buy my friendship. shes a whore. oh & she smells" I didn't think anything of it, because well Twitter isn't popular in Akron yet, only like 3 or so people that I actually know have accounts. Well I come to find out today, she has a Twitter page also & she so happened to respond to my tweet. She said "your fat. you look like a dirty version of a sweaty pale nasty gorilla. your always going to be behind me. sweetheart your a follower k..." I went through a lot of emotions. First my heart dropped, I got them huge butterflies in my stomache that I get when I know I did something wrong. Then I felt upset, highly upset. This girl hit me below the belt. She didn't just call me fat, she gave me an actual visual of how disgusting I look. Then she said "you'll always be behind me." She's basically right. Unfortunally everyone in my life is from her life. My best friend was her best friend from highschool. My four best guy friends were her best guy friends from highschool. I stole her boyfriend of 2 years. I can only imagine what she says about me "its like you want to skin me alive and wear me as an outfit" as she so nicely put it in the past. Then she called me a follower & that hurt just as much. I don't like being referred to as a follower, I try my hardest to be who I want to be, not like someone else. Ughhh I can't believe I let her get to me. After I felt upset I started laughing because I realized if she saw my tweet that I did on the 27th & responded on the 28th that just goes to show you how much she STILL stalks me and how quick & eager she was to respond. I mean seriously, why does she feel the need to read my shit STILL, to this day?! My life has nothing to do with her or her life, and it's not like I live like the rich & famous? So then I got pissed and I wanted to retaliate soo bad but I ended up making my Twitter page private. That only lasted, oh I'd say not even 2 minutes. I made it public again, at least for now. I don't want to start yet another drama war, and give that drama queen the satisfaction that she's trying ever so much to get but I'm definetly not apologizing for what I said, in no way-shape or form.

As of right now I tweeted back "ohh i love it. i didnt know i was being watched ever so closely STILL. you would retaliate."

MUDDIN! :)

Sunday afternoon I finally broke in my four-wheeler, big time! I had some help- Lauren, Kenny & Nick all came out with me to take it out since it rained allll day on Saturday. My poor poor baby got soo much mud on it, it was insane!


I can't believe I've gone so long without a toy to take out on weekends. I also didn't know how much energy it takes to ride something you literally jus sit on. My upper body is soo sore. I can't put on hoodies or pull up my pants without wanting to fall over from all the muscle tension. There was so many puddles to go through and even more trails to ride on. At one point Lauren & me decided we weren't muddy enough so we stood next to a puddle and waited for Nick to drive by us and splash us.

I can't wait to go again! I love going with lots of people, even if it's just one four-wheeler it's still an awesome time! :)

Lying is not attractive.

I was with this girl recently, that shall remain nameless & everytime she opened her mouth, she lied. She lied about so many different things. I don't know which one is more sad;; the fact that she kept lying through-out the whole night or that I knew she was lying everytime and I didn't call her out on any of it? She's supposedly one of my good friends. But I can't be friends with someone that jus straight up lies about everything in her life. I hate judging her for lying, but the girl even makes up stories about me- & thats prolly my BIGGEST pet peeve- when someone makes something up about me, whether it be stupid & small or downgrading. She causes soo much not needed drama- whether shes drunk or sober. I seriously don't understand why people have to lie. It's not an attractive quality, at all! Is it wrong of me to not want someone like this around me?

Update:
I completly forgot about this term that describes this girl 100%.. she's a pathological liar. The Urbandictionary.com explains it the best; Somebody who lies to improve their self-image. A pathological liar is someone who often embellishes his or her stories in a way that he or she believes will impress people. It may be that a pathological liar is different from a normal liar in that a pathological liar believes the lie he or she is telling to be true—at least in public—and is "playing" the role. It is not clear, however, that this is the case. It could also be that pathological liars know precisely what they are doing. Making up stories and at the same time believing them is known as confabulation. The term "pathological liar" is not an official clinical diagnosis however psychiatrists may agree that pathological lying is often the result of a mental disorder or low self-esteem. Even though pathological lying is not recognized as a clinical disorder, legal court cases often require that you prove that the defendant is aware that he or she is lying. This proof is most important in cases of slander and/or liability. -Wikipedia

And the weekend begins..

I actually had a good day at work today, even though I hardly did any work.. thats prolly why it was a good day. Ha. Last friday night I fell asleep before 10pm, I'm trying really hard to get some energy to go out, but I'm writing this blog instead..Hmm. I'm supposed to be getting ready & heading over to Laurens to head out for the night. I dunno what we're getting into. But I'm not holding my breath for what I actually want to do to actually happen. Tomorrow I'm going to Port Clinton with my friend Brittany, possibly Lauren too. Going to see my best guy friend Marshall who I haven't seen in MONTHS. I'm pumped. Then I'll be coming home early on Sunday, hopefully riding the quad then chillen the rest of the day.

Have a good weekend!
xo jennnner

Live by it.

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did."

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

Runaway.

My wednesday night was abso-fuckin-lutely crazy. It was one of them unforgettable nights but all you wanna do it erase it outta your memory. I'm tired of being surrounded by my past. It's starting to suffocate me. All I want to do is move on, with no set-backs. It's hard to erase your past when it doesn't let you. People say your past is what makes you who you are today. But I'm starting to wonder exactly who is ME? Do I mold into my surroundings? Am I my own person? What are MY interests? What do I believe in? I'm beginning to realize that you can't move on from things if you don't know where you're going. I have no clue where I'm going. I know where I want to be, but it's going to take a couple months to get there, so the transition in between isn't going to be fun. All I can do is figure out who I really am & continue to be the REAL me. So here it goes..

My name is Jennifer, but no one calls me that- everyone in my life calls me Jenner or Jenn. I'm too tall for heels, so I don't own any but I wish I could! I believe in natural beauty, not caking on the make-up "beauty". I'm the type of girl that loves hoodies, tee-shirts & sweat pants along with eyeliner, mascara, lipgloss & purses with matching wallets. I love all types of movies. Music is a HUGE passion & I like it alllll, seriously. My top fav's are rock/alternative rock, country & hiphop/r&b. I love being a sports fan, but I don't know my favorite athletes statistics for their whole career. I have a lead foot when I drive. I'm into cars, trucks & motorcycles. I know my way around an engine, I know how to hit a baseball, I can beat you in video games- but my toe-nails are always painted, my nails are 8 times outta 10 painted too. I can be "one of the guys" but I enjoy my girls nights where we veg out or eat whole pints of ben & jerrys while watching sappy love movies. I highlight my hair & whiten my teeth. I try my hardest not to judge someone, but I'm only human, it happens. I'm a very open person, I won't view your beliefs, thoughts, likes/dislikes as wrong, instead I'll try and see everything from your point of view. Country boys are a weakness of mine. I'm broke every week. I'll do anything for someone I truly care about. I'm a hopeless romantic. There's people in my past that I reallllly want to stay there. I don't like liars & two-faced people. I get that everyone lies, but there's some people out there that straight make up things or turn a situation inside out. I don't want to be two-faced, I don't want to be a liar and I realllly don't want to be labeled as a slut. Sorry if I disappoint anyone but all of that is the me I want to be, so take it or leave it.

Completly pointless survey.

Think back in April, how was your love life then?.. ohh it was real confusing & not worth the stress.

Do you currently have feelings for anybody?.. feelings?- not so much, maybe a crush..or two.

Have you ever told someone you hated them and meant it?.. yes.

Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on the ground?.. yes.

Has anything upset you in the last week?.. yes.

If you found out your best friend was smoking weed, would you be disappointed?.. ha umm no.

Where is your biological mother right now?.. in her bed.

Think of your last two kisses, were they with the same person?.. no.

When was the last time you went to the circus?.. fuck if i remember?

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?.. not so much.

Anyone you're giving up on?.. not realllly.

What was the first cell phone you had?.. haha im thinkin some prepaid nokia?

Do you like to clean?..nope, my moms actually in the process of cleanin my room but i def didnt ask her to!

Last person you kissed calls you, what are they calling for?.. crap nowadays i wouldn't even be able to guess.

Do you ever think about the past?.. too often.

Are all of your friends virgins?.. not even close.

Would you be more likely to fail Science or Math?.. science i guess.

Do you currently like someone who doesn't know you exist?.. it happens.

If something was wrong, who is the first boy you would go to?.. nick jason or kenny.

Was the last place you kissed somewhere romantic?.. not so much.

Do you have any bruises?.. dont think so?

What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed?.. uhh next question.

Anybody you're looking forward to seeing soon?.. yes yesss.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you're beautiful?.. yessir.

Last person to make you sad?.. customer at work.

Have you ever walked around your house pretending you were on cribs, talking to yourself?.. ha no, sounds like something jason would do.

Who was the last person that made you smile?.. nick or lauren.

Would you rather have long or short hair?.. long.

Have you kissed one person more than 20 times in 09?.. omg does it sadden me to say no to this question.

When someone says "we need to talk", what runs through your mind?.. "ahh fuck what i do?"

Has anyone ever told you they liked you in a really sweet way?.. aww yeah.

How long would your hair be if you cut 8 inches off?.. i dunno like a bob cut or whatever.

If I said "Mary Jane" would you know what that's code for?.. yeahh.

Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?.. there would be NO future for us.

Were you mad when you woke up this morning?.. no.

Are you under the influence of anything at the moment?.. nah.

Last thing that made you cry?.. hmm?

What does your last text say?.. "ha thats a big ass fish, but hes not bad lookin"

Do you REALLY love ALL your family?.. of course!

Has a boy/girl ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend for you?.. oppppsies?

Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?.. nope, never could- never will.

How many cigarettes have you smoked today?.. zero. go me!

Are you one of those people who constantly check the time?.. nope.

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?.. suure.

Who came over yesterday?.. ughh no one, i went out to funny stop with kim, shawn, shawns uncle, sunny, joy, jodie, daddy, donte & dontes girl.

If your best friend said they were running away, what would you say?.. "go buy a pack of budlight & come pick me up! ill run away with you."